Selfless vs. Selfish

Last week in a business meeting, a colleague made an unexpected comment.

He said "it's amazing how unselfish you are to feel uncomfortable leaving Hannah alone with someone else."

I had to think twice about that one.

My response "if anything, I am selfish for wanting to have some time to myself".

In retrospect, I didn't mean what I said. But I still am having trouble grasping the meaning of his statement.

To me, letting Hannah interact with other people is a good thing. Sure, I may miss out on some moments (like her inserting the K at the end of the word BOOK for the first time) but I'd rather her be an adaptable, friendly little girl. Don't get me wrong, if Hannah were in daycare it would be a whole other story as I am sure my separation anxiety (nots hers) would have me feeling very insecure. But I see how well she gets along with E, her babysitter, and it makes me happy. Happy to know that we are not tied at the hip. Happy to know that come September (when she officially begins daycare) it will be that much easier.

Now, I can't retract my retort but, like I said, in retrospect it is all wrong. Yes, I use my 6 "free" hours a week to run errands, walk Winston and do work, but I think this time is anything but selfish. I get the "dirty work" out of the way so I don't have to shlep Hannah in and out of the car seat all day. And though I am working most of the time, I am happy to be doing it for such a small number of daytime hours. No, six hours is not enough to match my previous income, but at least on weekends and in the evenings Hannah can bond with her dad.

Honestly, I don't think a mother can be selfish. From the day we know we have a little fetus growing inside our bellies, it is no longer about us. And I guess only time will tell when we start putting ourselves first again. I figure in a good 20 years sounds reasonable :)

Attached at the Hip

So far we have spent 10 months together. Day in, day out, laughs, tears...its been a bonding experience, every step of the way.

I guess its hard to take a step back and realize how close we have become. Or more importantly, how attached she has become to me.

Yesterday, Hannah spent her first afternoon with her new babysitter. After a great meeting last week, where they took to each other immediately, I was looking forward to a few hard core hours of work (t-minus two months until mat leave is up).

So I holed myself up in the office for a super productive hour...and then I came out. Bad idea. Yes, it was time for Hannah's afternoon snack but my appearance seemed to break the groove they had going. One look at me and it was like she couldn't live without me.

After a quick feed and some Cheerios and pears, I tried to hand her back. Tried being the operative word. But she just clung to me like glue.

We cut it short after an hour and a half and will hope for a bit more time next week. I guess I should have expected that it would be an endeavor to ease into...just a matter of time before its "mommy who?" And as the snow melts and the parks get packed, the fresh outdoors will surely be the ultimate distraction.

I can only imagine what it would be like if she was soon to make her daycare debut. So tough on the two of us. Luckily, we have until September to try to block that dreaded day out. And in the meantime, Hannah will surely be headed one step in the right direction towards a little less dependance on mommy. (boohoo)

Baby Sitter

Time to get a life (again).

With limited outings since Hannah's birth, it seems as though it is time to get up off of the couch and go out. Now that she is sleeping famously from anywhere between 6-7pm until 5am, there really is no reason to sit around all night.

But really how much fun can it be for the grandparents to sit here, Hannah already in her crib upon their arrival? Maybe they don't mind but I feel bad. They've got better things to do than sit here on a Saturday night.

So, I guess the quest begins to find a trusted babysitter.

Even though this person won't be very hands on (unless Hannah's decides to wake up), we both don't feel comfortable with a teenager. I'm tempted to ask some of the nanny's in the park nearby for recommendations.

Unless maybe you have a suggestion?

Not really sure where to start and haven't the slightest idea what the going rate is these days?

Are you sitting on a wealth of babysitter info? If so, please share!