Tuesday, July 27, 2010

What if...

Life throws tons of "what ifs" at us.

What if it rains?
What if someone is wearing the same dress as me at the wedding?
What if I miss the final episode of the Bachelorette?

Yes, there are many trivial what ifs in life.

But on Monday morning I had a more serious what if. A mom kind of what if.

At a summer BBQ party on Sunday night, Hannah ran by me, playing with her friends, when I noticed a bump on the back of her head. In the midst of an adult conversation I made nothing of it and continued on, reminding myself to take a closer look at it later.

Monday morning rolls around and I again notice the bump. My daughter is one all for bumps and bruises. In fact, the entire month of May she was sporting an egg-sized bruise smack in the middle of her forehead (because she went smack into her aunt's door twice in the same spot).
But on further examination this bump had no bruise and was in a location that is not easy to bang.

So the what ifs started. What if its a cyst? What if its a tumour? What if its cancer?

Whoa there mommy, breathe.

But then when grandma took a closer look and appeared to be concerned I immediately called our pediatrician. Out of town until August 2nd, we called the fill-in and had an appointment that afternoon. All morning at the office, the what ifs rolled through my head.

So when 2:15 finally rolled around I was relieved to be able to soon know what this bump was all about.

And phew, was I ever relieved.

Who knew that a mosquito bite or scratch can cause a child's lymph nodes to swell so much that they can stay inflamed for over a month? Wouldn't this have been a great fact to be taught in prenatal class? I think so.

With a sigh of relief we left the doctor's office but the whole ordeal got me thinking.

In many previous posts I have written about how blessed I feel to have had an easy pregnancy, smooth labour and healthy little girl. But you never know when something can go wrong. You never know when a what if will become something real.

But I guess like anything in life the what ifs are left to be discovered. What I know for sure is that Monday's experience was a real eye opener for me. Not how if you let your imagination get the best of you, it will. But how much I love Hannah. Yes, I am her mom and have been for the past 16 months but how many opportunities do you really have to just think about your love and how you have never had such a love in your life like the love for a child?

Unfortunately sometimes it takes a what if to realize what love really is.

On that note (feeling a bit like I've crossed the Carrie Bradshaw line) I'll leave you with this:

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

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